There are times a meme or picture post crosses my Facebook timeline that triggers a bit of snark. I am tempted for a second to respond, but realize there is no purpose going off on an innocent bystander.
It is not their fault I had a uniquely challenging family experience.
Now, those who know me realize that I don’t, as a rule, blame my parents. I’m huge on personal responsibility.
But they did not see me through my teen years. They did not kill me physically but they certainly maimed my spirit and took actions that made me feel as if I was thrown away.
Useless. No good. Incorrigible. Not worth the time.
My dad and step mom sent me away at sixteen. I’d like think they did not know they were sending me to live with a known murderer (my mom’s longtime boyfriend had shot and killed his first wife) – but they certainly knew my mother was a schizophrenic (bi-polar actually, but she had different diagnosis through her life).
I don’t blame them. I loved my mom (still do though she’s gone). I was safe enough – fed and cared for and loved. And it was part of my journey. I can, in hindsight, see that I needed that experience to grow.
So I don’t blame them.
But I don’t understand.
And I wonder did their hearts ache for me as much as mine does for my sons?
I know the answer. They did not. 26 years and many windows of opportunity have been denied.
And that’s okay. It is what it is.
But every so often a a Facebook post comes across my screen and the snark comes out and I want to respond “No, they didn’t kill me- but they certainly tried!”
They may not have meant to, but they threw me away and I could have died.
I didn’t. I survived. And now it’s time t put the snark away and shove that inkling of pain aside and get ready to thrive!
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