becauseiwanttoI can without hesitation say – that I love what I do.

As I stated yesterday in the welcome video I created for my business site, I am a professional writer working from home. That’s all I ever wanted to be.

From the time I was 8. And off and on through the ages…I was always told wanting to be a writer was silly. Writers were artists and artists starved. This was the way of the world, I was told…

But they were wrong!! And I am doing it – writing from home and making money doing it.

Not millions. Not yet. I know I can, with the right approach, attitude and timing. But in the meantime I am not starving – as my growing butt will attest – though that may be more the Locksmith’s doing than my writing ability this is not the place to quibble. I am not a starving artist was the point I was trying to make.

And I’ve done it before – this writing for money thing.

I stepped out of it for a while because I got lost in my own misery for a little longer than I wanted. But when it’s all laid out before me…I got as close to what I wanted when I started this work at home journey as I’m ever going to get. (Now it’s time for the next step and the next evolution…but for a moment I want to bask in celebration!!)

I deserve to be grateful and feel proud.

Because despite the detours, surprises and continuing challenges – the boys are good boys, who love me and love their dad (even if I don’t), they’re going to have issues…but they will be slightly lesser issues than what their father and I had to cope with. For all of our fuck-ups, we can at least say that.

Of course, they’re not completely fully there to full grown yet, especially the youngest. But unless there is a drastic change (and I keep praying that there will be…) my part in the raising them hands-on is done. Most moms have one to seven years left at this point, but my time was cut short – or at least interrupted.

But the raising of great kids – that was really always the point of this, at least in the beginning (it grew to mean more to me later). In the beginning it was all about my boy and then later boys – that I find a way to work from home until the children were in school – and I did that – years ago.

I mean, I dutifully went back to work at the appointed time even just slightly before the youngest got to Kindergarten. I tried to go through what was originally agreed to – even though I had changed on the inside and wanted to continue working from home.

I tried to honor my word – but the job became a nightmare between OTDBX’s jealousy and the station managers preference for blonds with tits (not in a sexual way, don’t get me wrong – but he would say things to me like “this girl is going to show you how it’s done, she’s got connections in the community and will blow you away”…and so on. It was always made clear that I was the one member on staff he did not choose – and with our opposing views on welfare, mental illness and immigration – I didn’t try to make friends too well.

And despite the general business principle to keep the touchy topics out of bounds, it’s hard to keep politics out of a newsroom – 

And he literally laughed at the way I spent as much (if not more) time on creating pitches to the really small and micro business owners as I did to the bigger accounts.

You know, plus my whole attitude that it wasn’t the radio station paying my wages but the client (being full commission and all) and my therefore perceived insubordinate loyalty was likely a management nightmare.

It’s really no surprise that the bug to come home hit me hard!

And the five years between then and now – indescribable highs and lows steeper than I’ve encountered yet. And if life can give me what I want in the coming years, I’d prefer less depth & duration to the lows and higher peaks on the highs. But I know I have little choice but to hope and believe and take whatever comes with gratitude…

It is not a failure that I sit here broke (in debt actually), nearly but not quite divorced and in the middle of yet another rebrand on a shoestring budget…it’s a testament that I keep getting up.

 

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