Being in an unhappy marriage with so many miracles (your children) around to keep you busy, I imagine you’re looking for quick resources to help you cope with the challenges in your relationship.
Please note: I am writing this with the assumption that the abuse you are experiencing is not immediately life threatening, if it is please contact authorities in your area for assistance. Do not continue to look for alternative answers online. Get help now and then worry about pulling it all back together.
Ahem, with that said…
Sadly, I don’t know of any really quick resources that will help navigating the murky waters of hard relationships with young children.
Most of what I have learned personally is through books. I link to many of my favourites, but realize that many young moms don’t have the time or energy to read. And some of you may be hesitant to bring marriage geared self-help books into your home.
So just know that I am looking for more quick resources and/or trying to find a way to create them. (If you happen to know of any – let me know so that I can check them out!)
In the meantime, one of the most effective ways I know of to get through the tumultuous times – is to focus on being the best you for the kids. Most fathers, even abusive ones, don’t mind mothers focusing on the children and so this can be a way to seek help without consequence in your household.
Everything really flows through that – focus on being the best you for the kids. That’s why you want the relationship with your partner to work. That’s why you want to earn extra money to ease the passage through life in this day and age. It’s why you want to work from home so that you don’t miss the magical moments along the way of raising children (that’s why I personally started the journey of staying home and making a living – I knew my husband was a drinker, but I was just focused on not having to put the kids in daycare and still making an income!)
So use that – focus on being the best you for the kids – as you build the tools and strength to work towards a healthy life in all capacities.
So focusing on that – being the best you for your children – which also includes taking care of yourself! – will help in the short term. While you are still learning and cultivating an understanding of who you are in the overwhelm of life and sorting out what you really want to do.
It may comfort you to know that in the hazy crazy days of early childhood even the best relationships are challenged. This is an easy time for no one. So please, don’t feel alone in all of this. Even if it does come with extra challenges that you didn’t anticipate.
My free cheat sheet to overcoming overwhelm in the moment can help too. It’s a reminder of 15 self care things you can do to become more grounded and calm in the moment. You can download it for free by typing your contact information into the form above the header or in the sidebar. Feel free to use a fake name and a throwaway address for your privacy and security if necessary.
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